Friday, February 23, 2018



I don’t blog often anymore, so I never thought there would still be reader(s), until today.

Looking back at my previous posts, it was me being insecure about myself and the future, lots of overthinking and petty worries. It was me wanting people to know how I feel but was too shy to speak out, because I felt that nobody would care.

I still feel so at the age of 24 (but definitely a lot lesser!! yay). As much as I want to delete all the childish posts I posted, I chose to happily embrace who I was. It was part of me. And thanks to the posts, I was able to recall all the joyful memories in the past.

Being closer to God also changed my perspective towards life. Whenever I feel I am so far behind anyone, I would remind myself that I am actually getting closer to goals of mine. For all my teenage years I had been wondering about ‘the ultimate goals of my life’ – I am still not entirely clear about it, but I think I am slowly finding the way out.

Just my thoughts and my sudden urge of sharing them. Hope it doesn’t seem like an emo post (again!)

Goodnight -

Monday, July 3, 2017

二十二turning二十三是個怎樣的年紀?

以前一躺下就能睡著 最近反反覆覆 卻很難合眼 連禱告都很難完成

腦子裡有很多很多想法 多希望他們是好的想法

一直不做該做的事情
一直做著不該做的事

一直想改變
卻沒有改變
是不想改變
也是沒有努力改變
更是不懂得怎麼改變

我到底想做些什麼
到底為什麼每一天都在浪費時間
到底為什麼就是成為不了想要成為的人
到底為什麼要無病呻吟

我想要的太多了嗎?
可能吧

應不應該學會降低要求?
不會
至少目前為止是這樣的




感覺寫這些好懦弱好幼稚 
讓我睡吧

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Just thought I should write something down instead of slacking.

So I have completed my one month placement yesterday. I am really really lucky to never have to go through any bad placement experience (at least up until now). Most people I met were lovely and down to earth. Maybe it is because I am just a student and I did not get to know all the politics and stuffs. Who cares anyway, I am merely a student and they actually spent time on me. I am thankful enough. 

I did my research focused placement at Aveo Durack Retirement Village. Yes it is a place for old folks, more than 700 of them. They are healthy and most of them, very chatty. No one is really sick there, so there is no need for a regular pharmacist. With that being said, it was not a place for intense learning session. I have to admit that I was disappointed because I did not get to improve my clinical knowledge, I am still grateful for this opportunity. 

The biggest reason is that I met a lot of lovely people.

Firstly it has to be Amy. She offered to drive me to and fro throughout placement and did not accept when I offered to pay for the fuel. I saved at least 2 hours of travelling per day. I do not really know how to describe, but she is the most sincere person I have met recently. I will remember her a long time. She is that kind of person whom I did not think 'oh she is just saying that as courtesy' when she told Pei Sin and I to catch up sometime. 

Yes. I am terrible in describing my feelings. Much better at concealing them.
John from England who is staying at M35 told me once, frowning: You are not shy... (frowned more).. you are just... (frowned again).. 

'I think I am just quiet.'

I am too quiet. Do I feel the need to change it? 
Certainly yes. 
I mean, I am not quiet in front of people I am comfortable with.
But being quiet in front of new people actually stop them from knowing me further. 

Anyway. I do not think I will be able see changes in recent years. 
Been like this for nearly 23 years.
An introvert with no words create less conflicts no? 

Oh yes, John was once a bodyguard for Queen Elizabeth II. How amazing is that.
They might be old, they might need the wheelie walkers, but the their life experiences are just, poof, unbelievable. And 93 years old John with a wheelie walker could still jiggle around the last time I saw him at the Green Lounge. 


I agreed so much when the preceptor said that it is actually not fair for the retired person to be only able to tick retired when filling any kind of form. Why not have some spaces for them to fill up what their jobs were before retiring? 

Ms Frances was my preceptor. She is a lively and considerate person. She jumps up and down like a young girl and always speaks good words. She is just full of positivity. The best preceptor I could have. I hope that she will continue to achieve great things in life. She told us that we are very special girls among so many students she has met. Doesn't matter if that's from the bottom of her heart or not, I gonna take them as real words. 

Next, Aunty Maria. Went to her house twice and always left with a lot of foods. She even bought us nyonya kaya when she saw it in the grocery store. The only person besides my parents who actually bought me stuff when she saw it. She likes hibiscus, maybe I should bring her a pot of hibiscus during the next visit. 

I am getting lazy to continue writing. 
I hope these memories will stay despite me being a very forgetful person. 



Sunday, March 12, 2017

Clare Chua is going to start blogging again, and that reminded me that I actually own a blog. 

Reading my previous blogposts, I think I was pretty emotional. Which I still am, I think.

A lot have changed, I am turning 23, mum and dad are getting cuter and cuter, Allan Chai is more like a big brother to me. Can't be bothered to complain about the changes. 

Graduating this year, hope everything will be fine, 
and that I will stop wishing for the impossible.


Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Copied from facebook:

记得有一次,萧慧敏准备乘搭飞机出国,在过海关时和父母说了再见之后,她就一直往前走不敢回头再一次挥手道别;因为她知道,她一旦回头再见到凭栏处的父母,眼泪就会决堤,而她不希望父母看到自己流泪。可是,这次的“勇往直前”,却让母亲误会了。



“她曾和我提起,那次我没有回头跟他们说再见,觉得这个女儿真的是很坚强,而且独立得…… 是不是我不够爱这个家。” 回忆起这段往事,硬朗的一姐往往会不能自已地开始哽咽。“我听了很心酸,其实只是不敢把软弱的一面,在家人面前呈现出来。”




其实我写了又写 删了又删
却按不下publish
华语生锈了 表达能力退步了

想要说的是
我真的很想念我家
就算我不打电话回家
有时还暗暗耍幼稚希望妈妈快点whatsapp我

我还暗暗埋怨妈妈
怎么对我那么放心
觉得我很坚强

屁 
虽然没有很软弱 但是也没有坚强到那种程度好吗


虽然我第一次出国没有转过头说再见
可是妈妈该不会以为我那么想往外飞吧
我只是不想在她面前哭得那么丑而已阿

母亲节要到了
母情节快乐

当面说不出口的我爱你
就在这里表达吧 



Sunday, February 1, 2015

你知道今天是几号
我拿着 stock check 和笔
儿子出生六天的同事
转过头  暗暗笑着却不想理我
就算他不想理我 
是拿着笔 上的日期那一里一面写下 31 January 2015
硬是要告
今天是三十一号 三十一号!

所以嘛
我今天异常兴奋

今天肯定是我做工以来 笑容最多的一天
根本一直在店里傻笑

当然啊 三十一号 我的假期就来了
做了差不多两个月的工
我是多么想要睡到自然醒 然后有空可以做做蛋糕看看
最重要的是非常抗拒运的我不会一下下就腰酸背痛

开始打了几天的工
在是不想再继续下去
工作范并不是我所料的
并没有我机会学到店里的是干什么的 要吃  一次几
没有 最普通的发烧咳嗽肚子痛的药都没有

所以 一开始我真的真的很失望

加上又被很臭问题

“你没有笑容所以看起来年大”
“你可以笑多一点吗?”
“你就算笑了脸还是比她没有笑的时候臭额”
这些都不要紧 我习惯了 不会生气  甚至感觉不错
因为人家就是觉得我不会生气才敢向我说这些的不是吗

但是竟然有人在我整理货仓的时候问我
“你做么 做到很生气哈 怨气很重哦?”

啊 我真的没有
我只是在很认真地检查
所以一直有点担心我在同事眼中会不会是一个很凶的 part timer

我想也没有没想到会越做越开心

今天是最后一天
竟然有个人我流泪
叫我以后放假一定要回去打工
个世界上除了我 有李佳盈就没人我哭
(况且李佳盈也不是只我哭 整个PM20哭)

处时 都很真在点 补货
并没有互相开玩笑
看着她和的同事有有笑
我在想 蔡倩宜 真的干嘛那么恐怖
关系真的很需要改

要离开前的个礼拜
她开始我超

在我吃饭时间还却开始找货时一直叫我多休息
在我搬货时把男生找来帮我搬
在我拉肚子没上班后
她是唯一一个 dah okey ke? 的人

而且今天一直在告
今天以后就不会再看我了
她会想念我的
(告 他会想念我的人也好少哦 哈哈哈)

真的超开心

有人叫我回去得探望他
还有几个人让我放假要再回去打工
有空的一起打球喝茶拜年

所以我真的真的真的超开心

凡事都没有绝对 不是吗
我也并不确切地知道我在开心什么

不过大部分的原因 应该就是发现
我并不是一个每天准时上班下班的临时工
而是
一个离开后
他们至少几天之内还会想起
Sheryl 已经没做了
有着存在感的
他们的一个朋友